Successful Marriages and Families, Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (Hawkins, Dollahite, Drapter). Chapter 13 "Honor Thy Father": Key Principles and Practices in Fathering, Sean E. Brotherson

The proclamation states that “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness.” One cannot underestimate the value of fathers in the home. President Howard W. Hunter taught that a father’s “leadership of the family is (his) most important unit in time and in eternity and, as such, transcends every other interest in life” Being a Righteous Husband and Father  To father a child is much more than irresponsibly passing along seeds that create life. The term “fathering” is a divine calling with great obligation and stewardship to bring up children that are loved and taught guiding principles that will lead them through life. Sean Brotherson suggests five principles of fathers: to preside, partner, to be present, provide and protect.

Preside: As stated in the proclamation, the father has a duty to preside in love and righteousness. The father is the spiritual leader of the home. Just as God presides in heaven, on earth we follow the same pattern, it is the father’s obligation and duty to guide, lead and direct his family. Studies show that when fathers are actively involved in their children’s lives, they show higher social competence and experience fewer problems in school.

Partner: It would be very difficult for the father to take the sole responsibility of raising his children. The father needs to recognize the need to “partner” with others such as his wife, grandparents, extended family members, teachers, spiritual leaders. Part of being a father is recognizing the valuable contributions that others can make in the life of his children. In the proclamation it states “ In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”  A key element in fathering is recognizing the importance of having a good relationship of respect, communication and love with the child’s mother. Howard W. Hunter has advised that fathers should “earn the respect and confidence of children through a loving relationship with them”. This can be accomplished when the father takes time with his children.  He can do that as they work together, play together and support each other in individual activities.

To be Present: Children need the presence and support of loving parents from the time that they are born through adulthood. A child is dependent, both physically and emotionally on the caring adults in their lives. Research shows that the two most common ways that a father’s presence is diminished is when children are born out of wedlock and divorce. When the father is not in the home with the child, it is impossible for him to be present in a way that will provide the physical and emotional needs of his child.

Provide: In the divine pattern, God instructed Adam that “in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread”, and sent him “to till the ground from whence he was taken”. (Genesis 3:19). In the same pattern, it is the father’s responsibility to provide for the physical needs of his family. The proclamation states that parents are “to provide for their physical and spiritual needs”, but that fathers in particular are “responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families”. In D&C the Lord instructs, “Verily I say unto you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown”( D&C 75:28). It is the father’s stewardship to provide for the physical and emotional needs of his family.

Protect: In the divine pattern, the ultimate protective figure is our Savior, Jesus Christ, who protects and heals His children. In the same way, in the family, it is a father’s duty to prepare his children for the world that he will soon be thrust into. Children need to be protected from physical dangers as well as emotional damage that can be done by others. Howard W. Hunter also counseled that fathers should lead so that his children “will know the gospel and be under the protection of the covenants and ordinances.” Fathers have a responsibility to teach moral behaviors that will protect them from the negative consequences of sin. The best way that a father can protect his children is by being an example for the children. When children see their father modeling positive and righteous behaviors, they are likely to follow his example.